Oh, hey, good to see you, have a seat — let’s stress-eat some chips collectively. Let’s flip ourselves, briefly, into dusty-fingered junk-food receptacles. It will pressure us to cease trying, for a couple of minutes, on the bramble of tabs we’ve had open on our web browsers for all these terrible months: the articles we’ve been too frazzled to learn in regards to the TV reveals we’ve been which means to look at; the ineffective merchandise we preserve virtually impulse-shopping for; the sports activities highlights and traditional movies that we digest in 12-second bursts each 4 days; that little cartoon diagram of the way to finest lay out your fruit orchards in Animal Crossing. Consuming these chips will rescue us, above all, from the very worst issues on our screens, the cursed information of the surface world — escalating numbers, civic decay, gangs of aged males behaving like youngsters.
Please, sit down. I’ve bought an entire bag of Cool Ranch Doritos right here: electrical blue, plump as a winter seed, bursting with imminent pleasure. I discovered it up within the cabinet over the fridge, the place by some miracle my household had but to find it — it had slipped sideways behind the protein powder, again close to the leftover Halloween sweet — so now I’m sitting right here on their own on the kitchen counter, about to sail off into the salty seas of decadent gluttony. The subsequent jiffy of my life, a minimum of, are going to be nice.
Be a part of me. Seize no matter you’ve bought. Open the bag. Pinch it on its crinkly edges and pull aside the seams. Now we’re in enterprise: We’ve damaged the seal. The within of the bag is silver and shining, a marvel of engineering — sturdy and versatile and reflective, like an astronaut go well with. Lean in, inhale that unmistakable bouquet: toasted corn, dopamine, America, grief! We’re the primary people to see these chips since they left the manufacturing facility who is aware of when. They’ve been ready for us, embalmed in preservatives, like a pharaoh in his darkish tomb. These chips might need even been produced within the former world, within the time earlier than the plague, when folks gathered in sports activities stadiums, stuffed live performance halls, touched each other’s faces, high-fived, handed round bottles and joints and telephones and money. However now they’ve been born into this world, into our doomed timeline, and so they have completely no thought.